I haven’t posted in a long while, and I’ve struggled with how to explain why. I feel like too much detail is, well, too much, and not enough is a cop out. I know there are people who would tell me to keep the personal out of the professional, and that I shouldn’t explain myself at all, but that’s not how I roll. What I do and why I do it are incredibly personal, whether I’m doing it for a living or for fun or some combination of the two. So, I’ll just stick with the facts and write from my heart and hopefully that’s enough.
I’ve been broke. Not just Can’t Afford to Go Out With Friends broke, or Had to Cancel My Hair Appointment broke, but… Haven’t Been Able to Go Grocery Shopping and I’m Struggling to Scrape Together Rent and Bus Fare broke. This following your dream thing… it’s fulfilling, and inspiring, and satisfying; but it’s also challenging, terrifying, frustrating, and occasionally, soul-wrenchingly difficult. This blog, and my followers, feel like friends, and every single time I’ve looked at my “Blog Stuff” bookmarks folder on my laptop, I’ve been struck with a sense of guilt and shame and embarrassment that I was basically avoiding a friendship I’ve worked so hard to cultivate, and quite frankly, that’s not the healthiest place to write from even if I did have the money to cook, which I haven’t.
Don’t get me wrong, there are things that are going well. I got A’s in both my classes for this quarter, and I’m just a little over three months from graduation. I am working again, finally, and getting enough hours to make a difference (slowly but surely) for my situation. Things with the boyfriend are going really well. He’s amazing and supportive and so incredibly patient and going through all of this would be so much harder without him. So, I don’t want anyone to get the impression that my life is horrible. It’s not. I’m blessed in a hundred different ways. But, when you’re struggling financially to cover even the most basic of needs, sometimes it just feels like your entire life is on hold, even if that’s not the reality.
Things are getting stabilized again, though, and getting things back on track here is a major priority for me. I’m learning so much in school and at work and in life, and I’ve had some wonderful opportunities over the past few months that I can’t wait to tell you about. I also have a ton of new recipe ideas to try out, and a whole buttload of experiments I want to attempt. So, I’m definitely not “broke” in the content idea department. As soon as I’m situated, it’s SO on.
I just wanted to poke my head in and say hi. I’ll be back soon. Thanks so much for sticking around.